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Finding friends as an adult

All throughout school, you’re surrounded by people, so making friends just almost happens by circumstance. You’re starting off on your first day of grade school and you’re surrounded by people in the same situation. You don’t need to go out and seek them, as a kid, you don’t have anything you’re looking for in a friend. And all throughout the various levels of education, making friends is easy because everybody is there with a common aim of learning. You’re surrounded by many people in similar stages of their lives, young adults looking to get an education and determine their purpose.

But then after you graduate university and you’re off into the work force, suddenly you’re no longer surrounded by people with which you have the option of picking and choosing to be your friends. It becomes work to go and find like minded people, people with who you can hopefully develop more of a deeper bond than just a superficial one. You have your work friends, people you see everyday and banter with over coffee, but often those kinds of friendships are there because of occurance, you see each other everyday, and it’s only natural to talk everyday.

Everybody else you meet might be in a different stage of their life, maybe they’re looking for friends to drink with every night, maybe they’re looking for friends that will aid them in their marriage, maybe they’re looking for friends to encourage them. But all those different types of people exist out there, it’s just a matter of going out and talking to people, and seeing if you can connect with them. So what I’ve been doing is just going out as much as possible, talking to as many people as possible, and just doing the work, because it really is hard work. As an introverted type, forcing myself to go out and to chat with people, to endure the small talk to hopefully get to the real talk, is tiring.

Establishing a routine

Having a routine helps to develop a sense of home, and a sense of belonging. Shopping at the same supermarkets, establishing yourself at the local bar, just being able to see familiar faces around helps to make you feel more at home. It makes it way easier to walk by and see that there’s somebody you know, so you can stop to have a chat, because that’s what really makes everything feel more familiar, when you can randomly see friends around. When everybody is a friendly face, the pieces of life feel like they’re starting to fit into place.

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